I hate the Olympics

I hate the Olympics. And for the next 2 weeks we're gonna get it jambed down our guttlets. Ya know what the problem is with the Olympics. Well Im gonna tell ya.

1. Theres too many events that masquerade as sports. Any event where the winner is decided by a group of people who are not involved with the event is not a sport. Its more like the Academy Awards. The motto of the Olympics is Citius, Altius, Fortius. Latin for Faster, Higher, Stronger. 8 judges ranking a performance on a 0 to 6 scale has nothing to do with faster, higher, stronger.

Any event that is not decided on the field of play by one of faster, higher, sdtronger should immediatly be eliminated.

2. Too many events in the Olympics do not determine the "best in the world" The winner of an Olymipc event should be the best person/team in the world. The Olympics is not a tournament. The best hockey in the world is played in the NHL. I can understand the desire to fight for nationalistic pride and Im all for that but throwing a team together to play for 2 weeks just doesnt lend itself to top notch hockey.

Any event that doesnt determine the best in the world should be eliminated.

3. Events are chosen more for television appeal than actual competitive interest. Take speed skating. Now here we have a real citius event. People love it. Theres no judging involved. So what do they go and do. They invent Short Track Speed Skating. Have you ever watched this abomination. about 75 percent of the time theres a crash at some point and then the judges get involved and decide who wins. Why cant they just leave a classic event alone.

Any event which is a latter day knock off of a classic event should be eliminated.

Lets look at the sports
1. Alpine Skiing. Good sport. Start here. End here. Fastest one wins.
2. Biathlon. One of those sports that suffers because stupid events get too much coverage. Skiing and shooting. A real test.
3. Bobsled. Another citius sport. But I question whether the participants need to be world class athletes.
4. Curling. This isnt so much a citius, altius, fortius sport, but its a more cerebral game that requires a certain touch. Its becoming more popular. Youll see it on TV this Olympiad
5. Figure Skating. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Not a sport. The event pretty much depends on young girls sacrificing their childhood to spend all their time skating. And really, who cares about skating. I mean if you dont have a stick in your hand going after a piece of vulcanized rubber its a waste of time. I HATE FIGURE SKATING.
6. Ice Hockey. Now heres a sport. But it shouldnt be in the Olympics. Pro hockey is too big to fit in the Olympics.
7. Freestyle skiing. Another stupid sport. I cant believe they took a cool sport like downhill skiing and screwed it up with this dance element. Just stupid.
8. Nordic Combined. This is a little much. They took different types of skiing and jambed them together to make a new event. "People like skiing, but we dont have any new events. Lets combine the events we have and call them a new event"
9. Short track speed skating. An embarrassment.
10. Skeleton. We used to call this "sledding" This is a third generation of event. Bobsled begat luge which begat skeleton.
11. Luge. Sledding when laying on your back. Although the luge crashes can be quite exciting.
12. Ski Jumping. This is the ballsiest sport. Fly down a huge hill and jump as far as you can. There is an element of style points I believe that should be eliminated. But it is cool to watch.
13. Snowboarding. Puh-leese. No events where you can compete while drunk. This is a blanent attempt to draw in the "generation X" dollars.
14. Speed skating. Basically track on ice. Not very interesting to watch.

Ill be watching reruns of The Office for the next 2 weeks.